How to Start Over in Life (Even When It Feels Too Late)
Am I a creative thinker or just an over-thinker? Is there always a deeper meaning to life, or do I romanticize moments because I want there to be one? Why do we search for signs—whether spiritual or just life tossing us a bone? What is it that makes us crave direction, clarity, or proof that we are meant for something more? I hate when my mind spirals into these thoughts, especially when I’ve convinced myself that I’m healing. Then suddenly, the progress I thought I had made crumbles beneath me. The sleepless nights return. The anxious, obsessive thoughts creep back in. The ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’ swallow me whole. Do other young single moms feel this way? The ones who left abusive relationships and never fully regained control of their lives?
Maybe I’m not as healed as I had hoped. Maybe I’ve just been holding my breath. Because in these moments, the old thoughts resurface thoughts of not being enough, of never amounting to anything. But then, there’s my son. My anchor, my light. He saved me in ways he doesn’t yet understand. There is no bond like ours, no love deeper. And though I sometimes carry the guilt of not always being the best version of myself for him, I try to remind myself that all I can do is keep growing. Keep trying. Keep showing up. That’s all anyone can do. Still, the intrusive thoughts creep in: Why are you trying to be a writer? Who cares what you have to say? Are your words even that meaningful? Maybe you’re overreacting. Maybe you’re making things out to be worse than they were. Are your feelings even valid?People who don’t experience this kind of self-doubt, who don’t live with a mind that questions and criticizes itself relentlessly, will never fully understand. They don’t know how heavy it feels just to exist some days. How exhausting it is to keep up appearances, to smile when you feel like breaking, to function when your mind is unraveling. This is why I escape into books. They offer a reality where I don’t have to be myself. I can lose myself in other people’s lives, feel their emotions, and dream of an alternate version of my own. And then, guilt sets in. You don’t have a bad life, so why do you feel this way? The self-criticism is endless. Other people have it worse. Stop crying. Don’t be weak. Chin up. But no matter how much I remind myself of my blessings, the weight of my emotions lingers.
I’ve worked hard to rebuild my life, to set boundaries, to break free from unhealthy patterns. I take care of my body, avoid alcohol, and I have cut out relationships that no longer serve me. But still, there’s a part of me that feels like I’m pretending. Like one misstep could unravel everything I’ve fought for. Like happiness is something I’m scared to fully embrace because if I let myself have it, I might lose it. So I ask myself: Am I still running? My therapist once said I had a habit of trying to escape. Whether through self-destruction, avoidance, or endless reinvention. And maybe she was right. Social anxiety makes it worse. I envy people who don’t over analyze every interaction, who don’t constantly feel like they’re being watched, judged, or misunderstood. I am getting better, I know this. I have so much to be grateful for. But when the darkness creeps in, my brain whispers, Why are you like this? You have more than most; food in your fridge, a roof over your head, people who love and support you. And yet, depression doesn’t care about logic. The difference this time is that I’m stronger. I know I can’t sit in self-pity. I am the only one who can shape my future. I am the only one who can create my life.
I often catch myself imagining a different life. One where I leave behind the city grind and settle into a slower, more peaceful existence in a small town, lush, green, and filled with warmth. A place where people smile at each other on the street, where conversations with strangers in a cozy coffee shop feel natural, not forced. Are these daydreams just a form of escape? Do others feel this same longing, this same stagnation? It doesn’t belong in the city. I am not built for the coldness, the rush, the detachment. I picture a home in a small town, where life moves at a slower pace. A space that feels like mine, where I’m not confined to a tiny studio over someone’s garage because it’s all I can afford. A home with a real kitchen, a bathtub to soak in after long days. Evenings spent painting, writing, moving my body freely. A feeling of warmth radiating from within me, light, content. Financial stability. More time in nature. Weekend adventures with my son. Chai lattes in small bookstores where people smile and mean it. A life that feels like my own.
I’ve started over before. Countless times, picking up my broken pieces and moving forward. But this time, I want to do it differently. I want to do soul searching. To find what truly makes me happy. To follow my dreams with an actual plan, not just wishful thinking. To build something real. To grow—not just for myself, but for my son. Being separated from my child on some days will always be painful. The empty spaces where bedtime routines and movie night snuggles should be. The quiet that never feels quite right. But I remind myself that I am building something. A life he can be proud of. A life I can be proud of. But if I’ve learned anything, it’s this: It is never too late to start over. And this time, I intend to do it right.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in a loop of what-ifs and maybe laters, know this—you are not alone. Life is not linear. There is no perfect timeline, no “too late,” no expiration date on reinvention. If you feel the pull to restart, here’s how:
1. Let Go of the Past
You can’t move forward if you’re still clinging to the weight of yesterday. Forgive yourself. Release the regrets, the missed opportunities, the versions of you that no longer fit. Your past shaped you, but it doesn’t have to define you.
This has been one of my biggest challenges, is to live more in the present, rather than ruminating on my past. Forgiving yourself is difficult but once you have, I promise a huge weight will be lifted off of your chest.
2. Redefine What You Want
Who do you want to be? Not the version that pleases others, not what society expects—what sets your soul on fire?
Take a moment. Journal it. Speak it out loud. Own your vision.
3. Change Your Environment
Sometimes, a fresh start begins with shifting the energy around you. Declutter your space. Rearrange your room. Spend time in places that inspire you. Surround yourself with people who encourage your growth.
4. Build New Routines
Your life is shaped by the things you do daily. Want a different life? Create different habits. Wake up earlier. Move your body. Read books that expand your mind. Small steps lead to massive change.
I have come to accept that the only person who can create your new life is of course you. The habits I have added into my daily life and I have found to make strides to becoming the version of myself I want to be:
Eating healthier
Exercise more often
Planning an activity outside and try to plan somewhere I have been before
Yoga throughout the week, or a workout when I am feeling I have higher energy.
Practice painting in the evenings instead of binge watching TV
Putting my phone away an hour before bed and only reading a book
Writing out my to do list, prioritizing from high to low (what can possibly wait)
Setting an actual bed time, and wake up time.
5. Try Something New
Growth doesn’t happen in comfort zones. Whether it’s a new hobby, a new city, or simply a new mindset, push yourself into the unknown. You don’t have to be “ready” to begin—you just have to start.
I often have to remind myself - to go try the new thing, and no you won’t kill it the first time around. Practice, practice, practice - don’t give up. This motto can apply to many areas of your life, not just a new hobby.
6. Cut Out What No Longer Serves You
Not everything (or everyone) gets to come with you on this journey. Set boundaries. Protect your peace. Let go of toxic habits, draining relationships, and anything that makes you feel small.
Learning to set boundaries was a scary thing for me to grasp. Hey, I am allowed to do this? What a freeing feeling! I have learnt to say no, I no longer have FOMO (fear of missing out) I just simply do what feels good and only say yes when I actually want to. What is the point of wasting my precious time or energy where I don’t want to?
7. Believe in Yourself Again
No, you are NOT “too late.” No, you are NOT stuck forever. You are evolving. You are learning. You are capable of creating a life that feels good to wake up to.
8. The Power of a Fresh Start
Imagine waking up one year from now, feeling lighter, stronger, and truly aligned with yourself. That future starts today.
